Thieves!

We are currently in the process of building a fence. We had piled the wood in the back yard and covered it with a tarp. Yesterday afternoon when working on the fence we noticed we no longer had 12 posts. Six went missing, along with some pickets and 2×4’s. Essentially someone walked off with a chunk of our fence materials the night before. What kind of moron steals wood?

While coming home Tuesday night after going to Lowe’s for more fence supplies, a strange car was parked in front of the vacant lot just down from our house. Thinking that was odd because no one parks there, it was worth keeping an eye on. Especially after wood was stolen.

The guy was still there at 11pm. Ray’s brilliant idea was to send me to get the mail and get the guy’s license plate number. The mail boxes are close to where this guy was parked. Now, notice he didn’t offer to go. So I decide to do just that. It was obvious Ray wasn’t going to go. So I get out to the end of the driveway and decide no way am I going to see his plate number in the dark. I’d have to get much closer. So I decide if I walk the dog past him, I’ll get a good look and still look normal. However, I was not getting that close without more than a dog; although Penny is quite intimidating when her people are threatened. I grabbed a hand gun and tucked it into the back of my pants, thinking I’m so brilliant for thinking of that! Ray was laughing thinking I’d end up shooting myself in the butt, yet notice he STILL didn’t offer to go. So I take the dog and head out toward the stranger. Carrying a gun in your pants looks so easy on TV, but trust me in real life it’s not! That darn thing kept trying to slide down my pant leg. I guess I need tighter jeans next time.

With dog leash in hand and gun in waistband I get closer and closer to the car. The guy is watching me I can see him turning his head and looking at me. I take note of his plate number and keep walking. Once I get to the corner and turn out of his sight I jot the plate number down on my hand. I wait a few minutes then I turn around and head home. I try to look like I am not paying attention to him as I get closer to his car again. I get back home and tell Ray I was successful and flash my hand at him. Then I realize which pen I grabbed, it’s my book signing pen. My book signing pen is permanent, non-smearing ink. Oh crap! I have Author Fest this weekend it better come off or I’ll have to explain why I have a plate number written on my hand. Ray’s reaction was “whatever,” he’s watching TV now. But, I have another brilliant plan however first I must get the ink off my hand before it never comes off. Either the pen company lied or it’s not permanent on skin because it came off, well, mostly anyways. Now back to my master plan!

I decide to shut the lights off as usual and act like I am going to bed. I decide I am going to wait in the dark outside the house in case the fence thieves come back! I tell Ray my plan and he rolls his eyes and says they won’t come back. He won’t come out with me but Eric will. Eric and I get dressed in dark clothing and camouflage. I give Eric an unloaded gun and tell him that is just for intimidation. I have the loaded gun and we sneak out the back door. We lay down in the grass where we can see the wood pile.

The neighbor’s dogs start barking. We turn quietly to see if we can see anything. Nothing comes into our yard. More waiting. Then we hear something walking on the rocks and a fox darts through our yard! A little while longer, a cat wonders through the yard. It’s getting cold now. So we get up and move around a bit but stay in the shadows. Ray comes out and asks how long we are going to stay out and we say all night! He says he has the windows open so scream if we need him. Ray goes back in and we huddle down in the shadows again, waiting. Then we hear rustling and clanking. Upon further investigation it’s just the neighbor lady doing her dishes at 1am. The woman is insane, who washes dishes at 1am? By 1:30 she is gone to bed and her house is dark. So we wait some more. Then we hear someone or something messing with the garbage cans. As we listen we determine it is not our cans but next door or across the street. We peek around the house but can’t see anything and we don’t want to compromise our position.

Around 2am my cell phone is dying, it’s cold, and I am falling asleep. I call it a night and we go inside. Eric thought it was awesome and now he thinks I am so cool for taking him on a stake out even though we didn’t catch anyone. I am still upset the guy didn’t come back so I could shoot him! In summary, Eric is happy, Ray thinks I am insane, and I have not caught my bad guy yet. I dare him to come back I’d like to show him my gun!

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