My poor eye was accosted in the ladies room!

Friday night started out as a typical night out. Went to Culvers for dinner and used points to get free movie passes. So far uneventful, all was well. Drove to the theatre and selected a movie to watch. The movie we decided on was “Easy A” it was already seating so we skipped the snack counter so we could find seats. Not too many people were there so we found seats easily. People trickled in and it was getting closer to the start time. I decided I better use the restroom before the movie started because it was supposed to be funny and I might pay for drinking that large iced tea at dinner. So off I go to the restrooms and that’s where the trouble started.

When I went to flush the toilet I leaned over and pushed the lever down. The toilet erupted into an angry fountain. The water swished and roared and churned spraying up a fine mist at first. I jumped back and reached for the lock on the door. Who knew what was about to come out of that massively turbulent water! I was not waiting to find out if I didn’t have to. Before I could turn around and slip out the door the water no longer a fine mist, splashed up and landed smack dab in my eye! Yes, in my eye! EEEWWW!!!!

I was instantly horrified. Who knew the beast to first attack was a drop of water! I rushed to the sink trying not to gag. I flipped on the water and tried to drop some water into my eye to flush it out without messing up my makeup too badly. It was date night after all, I didn’t want to return looking like I stuck my whole head in the toilet or smear my makeup so badly I looked ready to play football. So gingerly I dribbled a few drops in my eye. I did not feel clean, no I still felt violated. I wanted to take a very hot shower, or better yet I wanted some alcohol to flush my eye with. Too bad movie theaters don’t sell alcohol, especially when they have toilets that flush with hurricane forces.

Satisfied that I did all I could do, I returned to my seat. Ray asked me what was wrong and I told him the whole horrid tale of how my eye was accosted in the ladies room. Ray tried not to laugh. He said I was the first woman to pee in my own eye. I can tell you that is not the accomplishment I was looking to be first to achieve. I would have much preferred first female president or first woman to make a trillion sales on her first book, but no such luck. I thanked Ray for reminding me that I just peed in that water that splashed in my eye, along with a thousand other people before me.

After a few minutes of trying to push that whole ordeal out of my head, my brain started to think how my eye is connected to other parts. So my brain was being brilliantly smart and thinking that excess water in one’s eye will travel to one’s nasal passages where it can drain down the back of one’s throat. So now not only was I grossed out that my eye was violated but now my nose and worse yet was my throat! Now I really was wishing for some alcohol to clean out my eye with!

Since no cleaning fluids could be procured from the movie theater I used the next best thing. I bought popcorn with extra, extra, extra butter. Now surely no living organism could survive being coated in movie theater popcorn. No, you can stop laughing, I did not stick any in my eye. I figured the germs were already moving down my throat so I ate a bunch of this slippery wet popcorn. Since I have not gotten physically sick yet, I guess the movie theater butter worked in either killing the germs outright or by coating them so they just slipped on through my digestive tract without being able to latch onto anything. If only my eye was so lucky!

Perhaps I should have stuck the butter in my eye after all, because now my eye is hurting and feels odd when I blink. I suppose if it gets worse or up and falls out, I will wish I had left the movie theater and gone straight to the emergency room. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I suppose if indeed my eyeball falls out I will get a very good look behind me!

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