I used to think that only idiots did stupid things and this is why we have so many troubles in the world. I mean let’s face it there are a lot of idiots out there. Go ahead, chuckle as you look around at your co-workers and neighbors. You know I am right. However, I have recently come to understand there is another classification for people who do idiotic things. They are only desperate and not actually idiots, but their desperation clouds their normally good judgment; therefore, opening themselves up to idiotic predicaments. What makes someone desperate you ask?
One situation where one can become desperate is when one is in pain. I personally would do just about anything to get out of pain. I’ve been known to take 100 year old pain pills that have been at the bottom of a purse for most of those years just because I was in pain! We all have done dumb things and somehow lived to learn from it. The real idiots are the Darwin Award winners.
Well, my latest desperation-led-idiotic-move started with cooking dinner. I sliced my finger open with the plastic bag the chicken came in. I will tell everyone right now that paper cuts are nothing compared to plastic cuts. I thought maybe my finger was bitten off by zombie chicken! I washed my finger and searched for a band aid; the whole time my finger was stinging and burning. I finally found one at the bottom of the medicine cabinet. The wrapper was not only opened but nearly non-existent. However, remember I am desperate… My finger was just bitten by zombie chicken or rabid plastic! So I keep that band-aid as a backup instead of trashing it right away. I search a few more places and have no luck with a different, cleaner band-aid.
I ignore the warning that says I should throw out an open band-aid and finish un-wrapping it. Half of the warning is ripped off so it doesn’t really apply does it? I blow off the dust and it looks fairly clean. I wrap my cut in it. I get instant relief because now my cut is held shut and the air is no longer licking at it like an angry dog. I try not to think about the infection that may be festering underneath – Tiny little microbes waiting for a nice, warm, bleeding finger to accost. I push those thoughts out of my head because I am happy the pain is eased. After all, my goal was to relieve the furious pain and I did. Never mind that I may be fighting off a new disease as I type this. That I may become case zero in the Evil Plastic Chicken Dirty Band-aid Flu epidemic or PC-DBF666 as the scientists would call it.